very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
