oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
