She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if only i could text you this smell
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
