Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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