White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
