Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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