I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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