The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
