My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
