you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
