Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
