If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
