I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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