It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
