My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
