You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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