i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
