Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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