I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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