i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
