but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
