just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize