this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
