I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
