dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
