i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
