I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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