:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
