if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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