don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
