happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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