If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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