uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
should my penis look like a turkey
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
3 2 1 whiskey
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
