you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
