just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
