I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
