he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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