its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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