My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
