How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
