Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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