it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I love you.
Bad choice
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
