too bad you live with your parents still
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is my gift to your gina
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pants are for mortals
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
