i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
