So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
