I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
