I want to walk on stilts...naked
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My liver just had a heart attack.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
