You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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