We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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