There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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