just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
